The Society of Souls
by Kuchiki-koo
Summary: After a horrible accident, Ichigo is in yet another world: the Society of Souls! Now he has to stop Rukia's execution AGAIN – but now, everyone's gender swapped! How will this affect the events-to-be? Cue the fun. Warnings: Language, violence and pervy characters.
1. Chapter 1

**This is meant to be nearly an all-humor parody; got inspired by the Arabian Night and Monster filler eps. They're awesome XD.**

**Warnings: Pervy 8****th**** Division Captian and Kon – and anyone else who thinks along those lines, language, violence and blood and gore – sometimes caused by tiny pink blades – and I don't own Bleach but I can sure as hell mess it up in this fanfic.**

**A Fuller Summary: After a horrible experiment went wrong (thanks to YOU, Captain of the Twelfth Division!), Ichigo is in yet another strange and yet-unheard of dimension: the Society of Souls! Now he has to stop Rukia's execution AGAIN – but this time, everyone's gender has changed. How will this – not to mention Ichigo having full Shinigami powers, bankai and all – make this new tale of bravery and friendship differ? If this doesn't spell comedy – or disaster, for our poor unsuspecting strawberry – then you have read too much angst, my friend.**

**Oh, and Ichigo has lost his powers, but it is before he meets the Xcution. In fact, if this runs its course, he may never meet them at all, meaning that this goes into complete AU category. **

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><p><strong>Deja Vu - BIG Time<strong>

Ichigo looked around him, and immediately wished that he hadn't. He was surrounded by what seemed to be a tornado of odd shapes and bright colours. It didn't help with the fact that his eyes seemed to have turned into two asymmetrical kaleidoscopes.

The boy frowned. Okay, he was _always_ frowning. But now he frowned some more, so that his skin formed a neat 'V' between his sloping eyebrows. _Remember… remember what happened…_

_Ah, right._

* * *

><p><em>Mayuri smiled. "Well, what brings you to my lab, my dear Substitute- I mean, <em>_**normal human**__ soul?"_

"_Whatever, you creep. Something about… er… giving me back my powers?"_

"_Ah, yes. Our little 'experiment'. Now, if you could just step into the machine…"_

"_No way. Tell me what happens first. I don't wanna go in that thing until I know it's safe."_

"_Hmph. I don't have all day, you know. Still, if you won't cooperate… Nemu…"_

"_Yes, Mayuri-sama." Ichigo heard the sound of a drill, and tried to turn around. He saw his friends trying to stop Nemu from getting to him, then…_

_Mayuri appeared behind him, grabbed him, and threw him into the foreboding machine. "This is so very interesting!"_

_Then, he woke up and looked around. He immediately wished that he hadn't..._

* * *

><p>Was he still in the machine? Was he still in Soul Society? Was he still alive?<p>

Ichigo wondered what was supposed to happen after you died. Judging from his work as a Shinigami, you just sort of woke up with a chain in your chest standing a few feet away from your body. He looked down. No chain. Then again, he was a soul when he went into the machine, so that wasn't any help at all.

"Damn. What else happens when you die?" Ichigo grumbled. He thought for a while, and then he decided, "I guess I have to look for a bright light, then."

Amazingly enough, he did see a bright light. He was so surprised that it took a few moments for him to realize that he was falling towards it.

* * *

><p><strong>Meanwhile…<strong>

"Ichigo? Ichigo! ICHIGO!"

Orihime had burst into tears a while ago, after going hoarse from continuously shouting "KUROSAKI-KUN!". Now, it was Rukia's turn.

Uryuu did his best to comfort the ginger, while Chad – arguably the calmest of the witnesses to Ichigo's disappearance – was explain what happened to the captains, again. Well, the captains minus Mayuri, Byakuya and Ukitake. The latter two were comforting Rukia. Well, doing their best to comfort Rukia. Ukitake seemed to be convinced that one of his best soldiers was a 5-year-old and would cheer up at the sight of a bagful of sweets, while Byakuya's approach was much more… distant. Captain Kyoraku wondered if he should tell his fellow captain that if he planned to stand a respectable distance away from his sister, then he might as well be listening to Chad. After all, with the amount of noise and movement he was making, Rukia would probably mistake him for another wall in the state that she was. Poor girl.

His vice-captain saw him looking at the trio, or rather, Rukia in particular. She pushed her glasses up her nose, and then said sharply: "If you even _think_ about flirting with her, there will be serious trouble from the 6th Division."

The pink-clad captain gulped when he thought he saw, out of the corner of his eye, a tiny swivel of two steel-gray eyes and a miniscule twitch of the gloved hand towards Senbonzakura. The carefree reply to Naonao died in his throat, and all perverted thoughts grabbed the nearest parachute and jumped out of his head to safety. Even thoughts didn't want to be shredded by an angry Kuchiki.

His attention turned to the Head Captain again. The old captain had a certain tendency to make rash 'arrest/capture/eradicate them all decisions', so skipping even one of his sentences could very well result in an Emergency Situation. "Very well. We will try to find Ichigo Kurosaki, although there are understandably many difficulties in this operation-"

He was interrupted by one of the Stealth Force men. "We have captured and secured the fleeing Mayuri Kurotsuchi, but he refuses to answer our questions, sir. However, sir, he did say that his machine was extremely complicated, and that if we did have the resources to build another one, then we wouldn't even be able to figure out how to use it, sir."

Something didn't seem right. Frowning, Soifon murmured, "Why would we want to build another one?"

Then, as if right on cue, the building was enveloped in a giant explosion reducing the complex machine to ashes.

* * *

><p>"Ugh."<p>

It wasn't a very amazing or heroic thing to say at the start of a history-changing and déjà-vu-inducing adventure, but that's what they mean by starting off small. Ichigo looked around. Then he blinked a few times, and then looked around again.

"Huh? Why am I in Rukongai?" But there was something oddly familiar about dropping out of the sky into the middle of a dusty road surrounded by Japanese-style houses. It felt nostalgic. Now that he was considering his feelings, Ichigo noted that his head felt a little sore as well. And his back… there was a weight on his back.

He reached back to feel what it was, then: _That isn't how you draw a sword, Ichigo._

He froze. _Oh great, not even a minute in one of Kurotsuchi's machines and I'm already hearing voices in my head._

_No, Ichigo, it is a voice from your soul._

_Old Man Zangestu?_

_Yes. I have returned, for some reason. Be strong, Ichigo… I sense that there is something amiss._

Ichigo realised something. He looked down, and sure enough, he was dressed in the black of the Shinigami, complete with the socks-n-sandals.

More cautious now, the Shinigami took a moment to try to get his bearings and figure out just what had happened.

Then, Ichigo heard a thump. Well, several thumps. And a few shouts. He frowned, and moved –ahem- moved stealthily (as stealthily as a giant bulking overflowing wave of reiatsu can, but stealthily to all people with no spiritual power) to investigate. Fortunately, while the Substitute Shinigami had about as much hope in joining the Stealth Force as Titanic had of being a smuggler's ship, he could sense other's reiatsu better than Titanic could sense icebergs. Provided they were not hiding their presence.

Concentrating, he tried to identify if the people – or Hollows, or Arrancar, or Zanpakuto Spirits, or anything else, for that matter – and succeeded.

"No. Way."

* * *

><p>Orihime was crying. He knew he wasn't supposed to cry, being a teenage boy and all, but then again, that never stopped him from wearing the 'childish' blue wristwatch that his older sister gave him. Just as well, really, since they were the ShunShunRikka. Taking a deep breath, he closed his wet eyes and screamed, "<em>KUROSAKI-KUUUUUUUUUN<em>!"

Ishida tried to comfort her friend while still keeping her 'Last Quincy' coolness. Chad was quiet. Then again, Chad was always quiet, even when she was being chased down the streets by something she couldn't see. Even Ms. Yoruichi, the black cat, seemed downed.

At last, the Quincy spoke: "What do we do now? We're in the Society of Souls but… but…"

"But Ichigo is dead." The muscular Mexican girl finished.

Yoruichi's feminine voice broke in. "Yes, because of Ichigo's sacrifice in the Dangai, we made it to Society of Souls. We should continue with her wishes and do our best to save Rukia, even without her."

"Of course, it will be much harder to rescue him without the help of Ichigo, but- Quick, hide! I sense someone with captain-level reiatsu approaching!"

Taking up their battle poses, they waited. Then, their terrifying foe appeared. He was a Shinigami, with a sword as large as he was, orange hair, and a look of extreme disbelief on his face. He was:

"Ichigo Kurosaki, Substitute Soul Reaper!" the Shinigami announced at the top of his voice. "Man, that _really_ brings back memories! I missed the big damn hero moments!"

He looked at the ryoka. The ryoka looked at him. Then:

"Ichigo?"

"Ichigo."

"How?"

"KUROSAKI-KUUUUUUUUN!"

"Guys I-"

…

"WAIT, WHY ARE YOU A BOY/GIRL?"

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><p><strong>Eeehhh... you guys hate me now, right? You probably do. I hope I'll get better. Please review. Byakuya will stop using conditioner if you don't. I'll try to get the next chapter out quickly. Tell me any mistakes or stuff you want changing. Also, there will be NO ARRANCAR in this fic. Sorry. <strong>

**Until next time!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay guys with the honorifics, titles, roles and such, I was planning on switching it all around, e.g., Nii-sama = big sister, Head of Clan = eldest female, Kyoraku perving on boys (duh, she's straight)… that kinda stuff – so Ichigo gets a big confusion moment. However, if you really want me to change, I'll do it XD. Of course, there's also the Shinigami Men's Association and… well, any more and it'll be a spoiler.**

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><p><strong>Beauty and the the Bald<strong>

Ichigo sighed as he blocked another blow from Jidanbo. It had been a shock as first to see the gatekeeper as a woman – although she looked pretty masculine anyway – but if he was going to rescue Rukia – who, Ichigo had noted, was male – then he was going to have to get used to this sort of thing.

A single thought kept going through his mind: _What if it had been me? What if I had failed to save Rukia back in my own world?_

With a decisive "Hah!" he flipped the gargantuan gatekeeper onto her back, breaking her axes in the process. After a soaking wet and extremely familiar exchange, Jidanbo opened the gate for the victorious Ryoka. As they were about to enter Seireitei, Jidanbo paused, looking at the woman within the gate with horror.

She had short silver hair and a grin on her face. Slowly, she drew her zanpakuto.

"3rd Division Captain Gin Ichimaru!"

Ms. Yoruichi shouted a warning. "Run, Ichigo!"

Ichigo smirked. _Yeah right_. "Zangestu!"

The captain jumped back with a hurried shunpo as the wave of energy flew past. The Ryoka froze, shocked.

Ichigo stood there in a cloud of smoke, dust and smug pride.

Gin slowly opened her eyes, as if she was trying to see her opponent more clearly. Her mouth had formed an 'o' of surprise. But she recovered quickly. "Ichigo, eh? Well, tha' wuz certainly un'xpected. Looks like even _she_ didn' know 'bout this."

She shunpo'ed away. Ichigo turned to give his newfound genderbent friends a chance to bask in his awesome – and someone grabbed his arm.

"Hey! What the- ?"

* * *

><p>Ichigo looked around. "Hey, where's everyone else?"<p>

Chad looked around.

"Sorry", she mumbled, "I thought Ms. Yoruichi told me to go this way."

"What? But why did you just grab me like that?"

"Ms. Yoruichi said that there was no way you could win that fight- "

"I damn well could! In fact, you guys could all just go home and I can-"

The girl lowered her head so that their eyes met. "You might not be the Ichigo I know, but me and her promised that we could fight together. Now that she's gone, I'm going to fight for her. We all are. You're the only one who can go home."

The Shinigami gulped. Chad was somehow more intimidating when female. _It's probably just because I don't trust her completely like with male-Chad back at home. Hard to wrap my head around the fact that this is the same person, after all._

"Uh, yeah. But look, we have to get to Rukia or else Aizen's gonna get the hogyoku and- "

"Aizen?"

"What? How could you not remember Aizen?" _Oh, wait_. _There's no way any on my friends know about Aizen yet…_

"So you are not here to rescue Rukia?"

"Uh…"

"Then we part ways here. I'm sorry, but I need to rescue Rukia. I hope you succeed in stopping this Aizen. Goodbye."

And with that, Chad was gone.

* * *

><p>"Hah, at least this time I don't have Ganju around to screw things up." Ichigo lumbered around aimlessly. He wasn't sure how to get to the Senzaikyu. How did he get there last time?<p>

"Let's see… well, first I fought Ikkaku with Ganju." He frowned. "Well, more like I stood and fought and got useful information and Ganju ran like a wimp."

He went around, trying to sense the Shinigami's reiatsu. It wasn't long before he found him – or her. After all, there was no mistaking the battle-loving soul.

"Yahoo! I sure am lucky!" Ikkaku called from her place on the roof.

"Oh, hey Ikkaku, I was looking for- WHAT THE HELL MAN? AHAHAHAHAH!" Ichigo laughed so hard he ended up falling onto his back, Zangestu painfully pushing into his back. "Hah, ow, hahaha, you're a, ha, girl and you're…you're BALD!"

"What? Come on! What's wrong with me being bald? You bastard! I came here to fight you, not get advice on my do!"

The third Shinigami finally spoke up, "Well, if you want, I can certainly help you in that respect. I can make you look really _beautiful_, if you want."

The Ryoka paused in his fit of laughter and identified this new enemy. She had black hair, and two brightly colored feathers adorning her face near her right eye. She also wore lipstick, and what Ichigo decided was mascara. But even with all the makeup, it was all too obvious who it was – you could tell by her pose alone. "Hey, Yumichika, you actually look ok. That look really suits you." _I always thought Yumichika looked like a girl._

The vain woman flicked her hair. "Well, here is one who knows beauty when he sees it… by the way, how do you know our names?"

_Oh, right. No one knows me yet. Except maybe Byakuya and Renji. But they still think I'm a girl, right? I wonder how I can get out of this quickly…_

"Oi, Ikkaku, you just wanna fight, right? Look, here's the deal: I give you a good fight, and you tell me how to get to the Senzaikyu, okay? And Yumichika, you're just here to watch, aren't you? I mean, you're not gonna join in, right?"

"Oh, of course not. Interrupting another's fight is so _ugly_."

_I'll take that as a no, then. Damn pretty-boy acts exactly the same way… wait, if everyone acts exactly like the guys back at home then…_

"OK, deal's on! You've got a huge sword and huge reiastu… which means… that means you're really strong! Man, I sure am lucky…

_Luh-luh-luh_

_Luch-luh-luh_

_Luh-luh -luh-LUH_

_Luh-luh -luh-LUH_

_Luck, luck, luck, luck, LUCK,_

_LUCK-Y!"_

Sang Ikkaku.

_Yep, definitely same old Ikkaku. Which means that this'll be a breeze…_

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><p>Urahara frowned. "So this machine, you're not sure what it does, how it does it or even what it's made of, and you all expect me to build an <em>exact replica<em>?"

His audience didn't even bat an eyelid. Of course, Yamamoto's eyes were closed, but he too stood still like a wrinkly statue.

"Well, I might need months to do something like that… maybe even years! Besides, how am I gonna get the resources for the project? I don't exactly have a lab in the Soul Society."

Somebody coughed, in that _ahem_ way that suggested that the blonde scientist had done something stupid.

"Okay, more like right now, Soul Society doesn't have a lab." He meaningfully kicked a twisted piece of metal that may have once been a computer, or a vat of strange liquids, or even just an innocent metal table that happened to be in the wrong place.

There was a general murmur among those assembled. A few of them even bobbed their heads a little. The remaining nine of the Gotei 13 captains were standing right on the edges of a large, smoking, debris strewn crater that was once a fully functional lab, part of the Shinigami Research and Development Institute. It had been a very specialized lab, monitored closely by Mayuri himself. In fact, after questioning many of the researchers who weren't in the General Emergency Relief Station, they found out that the 12th captain and Nemu were about the only ones who worked on the machine, converting the entire area for the special purpose of this process. Because of this, he did not lose any vital information on anything else, if fact the area of the explosion was just too precise to be pure coincidence, plus there was also…

"So you're saying that if all of that worked out, Mayuri would have had the power to abduct anyone for research, be excused from duties as a Shinigami captain, prove that unicorns existed and be entitled to nine meals a day? That's crazy!" Kyoraku finished his rant and took another swill of the sake he had. "Besides, who plan's something that could take up to a century to happen? No one's that crazy prepared!"

"Name a mad scientist. Any Shinigami mad scientist." Soifon muttered. She glared at Urahara as she said this.

Ukitake tried his best to defuse the growing tension. "Look on the bright side, Mayuri's locked up so we're all safe!"

"But there are still Hollows such. We cannot abandon our duties as Shinigami." The wolf-like captain of the 7th Division stated.

"And we have to take care of those who were injured in this incident." Captain Unohana smiled _that smile_.

"I think we should all just have a fight." No prizes for guessing who said that.

"Stupid adults. Always arguing over nothing." Complained Toshiro.

Renji glared at him. "My captain isn't."

"Yeah, he's being _such a help_." Sarcasm dripped off his words like slimy oozing venom.

Renji glanced embarrassedly at his captain, who was currently drawing in the dirt. From what he could tell, the Kuchiki siblings had developed a language consisting of badly drawn Chappys and Seaweed Ambassadors. He said so.

"What do you mean? They're just randomly drawing everywhere. It doesn't even make sense! They haven't even talked to each other."

"Well, he managed to cheer Rukia up! He's being a good big brother!"

_Chappy with spiky hair. Chappy jumping. Chappy waving rabbity hands around. Chappy looking angry. Seaweed Ambassador upside-down. Seaweed Ambassador precisely half the size of the rest._ Many more cryptic drawings.

The confused pair observed the artists for a while.

'_Renji is defending you. That's nice of him. Are you going to go back and join in?'_

'_No. I do not see the need to do so. Renji can handle it.'_

'_Hah! We don't need to speak to each other. Our art lets us communicate!'_

'_Do not be bothered with what others say. Do your best to uphold your pride.'_

'_Yes Nii-sama!'_

* * *

><p>Ikkaku sighed. She just didn't understand. She told Yumichika … again. "I don't get it! It was like he knew all my moves! He wasn't even surprised when I released my zanpakuto! It was like he was expecting it. It's like he fought me before!"<p>

"Yes, I know. Well, the Captain should be really happy to be able to fight someone like him…"

"Yeah…"

"Well, you should really get some beauty sleep now! Bye-bye!" the woman turned with what she considered a _beautiful_ twirl, and slid out the door. Beautifully.

Once she was sure she was out of earshot, she muttered out loud what had been bothering her ever since she dragged her friend to the 4th Division. _"It's like he's been here before…"_

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><p><strong>Okay, okay, I know what you're all saying, yes I know there a bald women out there, sorry, but seriously, do you think Ikkaku could pull it off? I mean, the girl's got red makeup stuff on her eye and the Lucky Dance. <strong>

**What did you think? Looks like Ichigo's got a bit of trouble coming trouble coming to him, poor fellow. Remind me of any messed up plot points, hard to get sentences and all that, and please fav and review! Also, I tried to get a bit of Soul Society in because we probably won't be hearing much from them from now on. That's right, SPOTLIGHT ON ICHIGOOOOOOO!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay here's where it gets really interesting! Ichigo has a plan – now he's going to get some allies. Also, take note that I won't be saying anything about the other Ryoka or the Shinigami fighting against themselves. Spotlight Ichigo as always. By the way, this chapter is one big spoiler, so unless you've finished the Soul Society Arc, don't read and go back to watching/reading Bleach.**

**Ah, it's so tough writing a genderbender. Sometimes even I forget what gender they are!**

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><p><strong>I Have a Plan<strong>

_Let's see, round a corner here, down that passage… maybe I can lose them by going through that building…_

Ichigo was running from a horde of psyched Shinigami. It wasn't that he couldn't fight them; it was just that a few things occurred to him during the last mass-beating session.

One: All this was really slowing him down, especially since he was trying not to seriously injure them – they were more or less his friends, after all.

Two: He was beating up guys from mostly the 11th Division, so Kenpachi was bound to come running and looking for a fight.

Three: He couldn't stand to look at another battle-scarred barbaric gorilla-like woman charging and howling at him with saké-laden breath. Come to think of it, he didn't want to meet their captain_ at all._

Suddenly, our hero bumps into someone. Someone familiar. Someone trembling. Someone who promptly picks themselves up, and starts apologizing frantically.

"Oh, Hanataro, you don't have to say sorry. I'm the one who wasn't watching where I was going."

"But-but-but I wasn't- you are- I'M SO SORRY –wait-" the 4th Division member's wide eyes travelled up to Ichigo's orange spiky hair, then to his oversized sword, and then finally to his face. "You're that Ryoka!"

"Uh, yeah. Ikkaku must've raised the alarm. So that's why there are so many 11th Division people after me. Ichigo Kurosaki, Substitute Shinigami, although not yet in this world."

"I-Ichigo Kurosaki? You're the one Rukia-sama was always talking about! Er…um…", Hanataro stood still for a moment in deep thought.

"Well, spit it out?"

"Aren't you a girl?" _Oh yeah, forgot about that. Huh. Well, no need for him to know about __**that. **_The substitute tried his best to sound uncaring and indifferent:

"Look, I'm Ichigo, I'm trying to rescue Rukia, and that's that." _Please help me please help me I'm so lost I'm so lost c'mon Hanataro … you have to help me… I know you're a good guy…_

* * *

><p>Ichigo stifled a yawn as he heard Hanataro relay just how great Rukia was. Honestly, he had heard it all before. He tried changing the subject.<p>

"Hey Hanataro, why do you wear that girly headband?"

The 7th seat looked confused momentarily, and then warily answered, "I think it looks nice, don't you?"

That's when it hit Ichigo.

His shout of amazement echoed throughout the sewers they were currently in.

"WAIT, YOU'RE A GIRL?"

_Girl, girl, irl, rl, l…_

The young girl started trembling. "I-is something wr-wrong with that?"

* * *

><p>"Why'd ya move up da plans so much, eh?"<p>

Her bespectacled leader smiled. It was an evil smile. It meant the person who was smiling it was evil, even if she hid it well. Which she did.

"Call it… a spot of women's intuition."

"Ya gots a feelin' somethin's gonna go wrong?"

"… perhaps. But the plans will go on anyway. Nothing can stop us – I have waited too long for this moment…" the brunette went on with her speech until her fellow schemer cut her off.

"So, should I go p'pare fer ya fun'ral?"

"Yes, indeed."

* * *

><p>The strawberry breathed in deeply. "Ah, fresh air!"<p>

"Oh, it's nighttime!" exclaimed his trembling companion, who, for the sake of Ichigo, I will state right here, is indeed, female.

Just so you know.

Another thing you should know is that while Ichigo right now has full control of his bankai, shikai, Hollow powers and costume changes, he still fails as bad as ever at hiding his spiritual pressure. Which would explain why a certain red-haired hooligan on her merry way back home – having just been released from the hell-hole she grudgingly refers to as 'the office I share with Captain Kuchiki' – was speeding her way towards him through the night.

"Well, this is the nearest sewer opening to the Senzaikyu… from now on we have to be very careful-"

_Well, it looks like I made pretty good time… Renji shouldn't be here… oh damn that's his reiastu… brace yourself for female Renji. Brace yourself for female Renji. Brace yourself for female Renji._

"Renji."

"Huh, so you remembered my na-!"

* * *

><p>"Huh, so you remembered my na-!"<p>

_Holy shit who is this guy? He has Ichigo's reiastu. But it's so much stronger… he looks a bit like her, though – Nah. Must be the sak__é__. No more drinking with Matsumoto. Wow, his sword is so big… he must be so powerful – I wonder why I've never seen him before. He must be a seated officer… should I fight him…?_

"Hey Renji something wrong?"

The vice-captain snapped out of her thoughts and hastily sheathed Zambimaru. "Oh, no, n-nothing's wrong. Sorry to be wasting your time like this. Heh, Captain Kuchiki is gonna kill me. Um, I'll be going now."

The redhead turned and started to trudge away sheepishly. Just before she disappeared around the corner, she called out, "By the way, what Division are you in?"

"Huh? I'm not in the Gotei 13." The man replied.  
>"The 4th Division! He's with me!" shouted the healer that accompanied him – a split second too late.<p>

In a flash, Renji had her sword out, ready for battle. _Just what's going on here?_

Her opponent frowned. "Come on! Make up your mind already: are you gonna fight or not?"

"Why are you here? Who are you?"

* * *

><p>Ichigo smiled. Renji was losing. Not that much of a surprise, really. He had trained with the guy many times before. This was no different – in fact, it was better because his opponent didn't have bankai. Oh, and that other little difference concerning his friend's gender.<p>

Considering it, Renji was still Renji, just a female Renji instead. She looked like the kind of girl who walked into bars with a smoke clamped in her teeth and challenged muscular men to arm wrestles. Or maybe it was just the tattoos and swearing.

The Substitute Shinigami pushed the Vice-Captain back against the rock. Renji spoke: "You, new Ichigo, how do you think you're gonna save Rukia? Even if you beat me, there are eleven other vice-captains. Then there are thirteen captains above them. Unless you beat them all, you can't rescue Rukia."

To her surprise, Ichigo jumped back and got a focused but distant expression on his face, as if he was trying to remember something. "Well, actually Ukitake and Kyoraku help stop the execution too – then they fight Yamamoto; and Yoruichi fights Soifon; Aizen, Gin and Tousen are evil and Aizen takes out Komamura; Unohana's too busy healing everyone to fight; oh, Aizen took out Toshiro too before going to the Sokyoku; Ishida's turned Mayuri into some kinda slush; so actually I just fight Kenpachi, Byakuya and Aizen. But Aizen beats me and then takes Gin and Tousen to Hueco Mundo, so that's that. As for the vice-captains, well, I can beat most of them – after all, I have bankai."

He watched as Renji's eyes bulged comically at all this information. She muttered, "I don't care if he's lying or not… all I want to do is rescue Rukia…"

"You said that you have bankai. Show me."

Ichigo gave the redhead a look. "What?"

"Show me your bankai." She thought about it for a moment._ The Captains have bankai too. And Captain Kuchiki uses kido and shunpo as well._ "And show me anything else you got too."

Obligingly, Ichigo shouted, "Bankai: Tensa Zangetsu!"

After the smoke cleared, Renji became the first one in this universe to see Ichigo Kurosaki's bankai. And she laughed. "Hahaha you call that a bankai? It's tiny! And I thought you were for real, too, when I sensed you reiastu! Ahahaha!"

When she opened her eyes again, there were a dozen Ichigos. And a voice by her ear said: "This is my bankai."

Instinctively, the woman struck out. She felt her blow blocked by an immense force – it turned out to be a thin black sword. But that wasn't what scared her enough to make her shunpo away. "T-that's a Hollow mask!"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Don't worry about it, the bastard's under control. Right now I'm just using his powers."

"You're controlling a Hollow?"

"Yeah. I guess you can say I'm part Hollow. I'm more powerful when I use the mask, but it has its downsides too."

Renji nodded. She had originally misjudged his reiastu – instead of being weak or powerfully, it changed constantly. She was almost crushed when it was at what she supposed was its peak. _And his speed. He's faster than Captain Kuchiki._ Renji smiled.

"Okay, go on. But just one thing; I'm gonna help you."

Ichigo frowned and deactivated his bankai and Hollow mask. "Help? You're gonna help me?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna help you rescue Rukia."

It was Ichigo's turn to smile. "No, you're going to help me _change history_."

* * *

><p>"Just one problem with this, carrot-top."<p>

"Yeah, what?"

"Look, it says – Renji gets beat up by Ichigo. Captain is pissed and puts her in a cell. She breaks out. She follows Ichigo to the hideout and trains to get bankai. She gets beat up by the Captain. Renji then gets healed and makes it to the Sokyoku – which Ichigo will have destroyed, where she gets beat up by Captain Aizen. Why do I get all the abuse?"

Ichigo shrugged. "It just happened this way. I don't wanna change it too much."

"Why the fuck not? _I _don't wanna get minced by the Captains!"

"Uh, um… ahem…"

Both Shinigami turned, furious, and shouted, "WHAT?"

Hanataro started to shake. "Uh, I c-could get a really strong anesthetic that could make you unable to feel pain. But we generally don't use it because, well, it's much better to put the person to sleep… i-it's really scary seeing your leg chopped off while you're conscious and not feel it… but I th-think it's still around… I can get some…"

Renji clamped a hand over the healer's mouth. "I'll take it."

"O-okay. After you show me the hideout, Ichigo-sama, I'll leave and try to get some to give to Vice-Captain Abarai."

Leader Strawberry decided to reveal the next part of his scheme. He felt a bit like Aizen. Except nicer. Much nicer. "Right! Well, don't worry, Renji – I'm actually planning on cutting out the part where you fight Aizen."

"Hey, this plan gets better by the second! Out with it."

"Okay, once we get to the hideout, train your bankai. This will only work if you get it and know how to use it."

"Fine, fine. Anything to get away from Aizen. If she's really evil, I really don't wanna hang around."

"Yeah, good, because I want you to close the Garganta."

Cue Renji depression session one.

* * *

><p><strong>Aw, poor Renji! She's going to face a bunch of nasty Menos Grande all by herself – after getting beaten up by Captain Betterthanyou. You know what Hanataro, don't just give her the anesthetic, give her some sak<strong>**é too! Better yet, fav and review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Now, I don't normally do this, but one review certainly did catch my eye – after all, it was such a long one! Nartog, my dear fellow, you have hit jackpot with many of your guesses! Are you perhaps from a future dimension? Either way, I will indeed give one hint to where the story may go: poor Ichigo will experience many relationship problems soon! Ah, the joys of writing humor…**

**Still, we're on the Soul Society arc for now, so expect action, suspense, and… humor!**

**And a thounsand apologies for being so long to update!**

* * *

><p><strong>Prelude and Preparation<strong>

"Here, I brought lunch. Hanataro?"

"She hasn't come for a long time. Maybe she was caught."

Some old memories of being in the Kenpachi Division stirred in Renji. "Maybe she chickened out. Huh, won't be needin' this, I guess." She flung a bento at the other Shinigami – she held a total of three.

Ichigo caught it gratefully. Renji put down her load and started eating her own lunch. She gave Ichigo many strange looks, until he couldn't help but say, "If you have something you wanna say to me, don't just sit there and give me weird looks!"

Renji stammered. "Uh… how did you know Captain Aizen was gonna die?"

Ichigo smirked. Time for a little time/dimension-traveler style cryptic answer. _Heh, Urahara must've started to rub off on me._ "_I have my sources_."

"Oh, well, she's dead. They found the body this morning. They're thinking of murder. But it _is_ just a gigai, right?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah. H- She's lurking around in the Central 46 chambers, probably practicing her victory speech or something."

He noticed that Renji still looked uncomfortable. It was the look Ichigo recognized as the one Renji wore when he was doing something that he felt was wrong.

"Did something happen?" he asked, concerned.

"Momo and Kira started fighting and got locked up." She hung her head in despair. "I-I just wanted to tell them so bad! They're nice guys, they're my friends! I couldn't just watch them getting so upset over nothing…"

She looked so upset. Ichigo frowned. He thought he was preventing misery with his plan of stopping Aizen once and for all, but now he was beginning to have doubts. _Okay, now Urahara has definitely rubbed off on me. _"Don't worry. We'll get Aizen back for this. Just keep quiet and pretend that you don't know anything."

The vice-captain nodded. She decided to speak of happier things. "You should have seen Captain Kuchiki's face when I told her I killed you. I mean, you did scare captain Ichimaru off – hah, she looked kinda smug. I didn't even know she had expressions."

Ichigo wasn't listening. Finishing the last of his meal, he stood up. "Okay. If I go and flare my reiastu a bit Yoruichi should come. I'm gonna try that. Keep an eye out for her, okay?"

"Sure. This Refined Operation Aizen, are you sure it'll work? I don't know… if she managed to fool the entire Gotei 13…"

This got Ichigo riled up again. "Fine. Go run back to your Captain or whatever. Don't save Rukia. Heck, you can even tell Byakuya you lied about defeating me. Maybe he'll lock you up and everything can go back to the way it was supposed to be."

Renji gulped. _Senbonzakura… a thousand tiny blades..."_Nah, I'll wait."

As Ichigo disappeared to the surface, Renji muttered, "And the Captain's a girl, dumbass."

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile…<em>

"It looks like a giant metal lollipop, Kisuke."

Urahara had to admit that the cat-woman was right. "Well, the swirly design is optional, but I think it looks nice." The scientist answered. "Besides, it'll match the new wallpaper."

Byakuya frowned. This madman was using _his_ money to rebuild the machine after all. "When the Kuchiki family volunteered to fund this project, we did _not _agree to pay for decorating costs."

"Oh, come on, Byakuya-bo. You have so much money could gild your breakfast every day if you wanted to. Besides, you're doing this for the good of the Soul Society. Think about it. Now everyone one will say, 'Hey look, there's Ichigo! Remember who saved him?'"

"The Kooo-cheeee-keee Fa-muh-leee!" Urahara supplied. The duo then started to cheer, and shove praise on the Kuchiki Clan.

Kyoraku tried to help his old friends out. Staggering over to the already – silently – fuming noble, he slung an arm over his thin shoulders and drawled out, "Yesh, thunk about it Bee-yuah-ku-yah-kun, you'll gain sho much shocial shtanding."

The small storage room – otherwise known as the Temporary Substitute Shinigami Retrieval Department – fell silent.

Ukitake coughed, but it was not one brought by his sickness. Urgently he whispered to his drunken friend, "Um, he kind of already is at the top of the social ladder. Bit of a family trait, being a noble and a captain and all…"

_Awkward silence._

Urahara dared to break it. "Well, now, Lord Kuchiki, how about you go inform that wonderful and beloved sister of yours that I have the blueprints for the machine. Once I get the materials and place to build it, I'll have it finished in the blink of an eye."

The Kuchiki blinked. Although it may have served some simpler purpose – the room was a little dusty, after all – the rest of the room swallowed nervously.

"Uh, run along now, better not keep Rukia waiting!"

"Yes, go on Byakuya-bo, no need to stand cooped up in here with us old fossils."

"I'll have the machine done in no time. Ichigo will be back here soon enough!"

"LET'SH HAVE A DRINK SHOMTIME, 'KAY?"

The youngest in the room left – with shunpo. He slammed the door behind him too, although it was pretty heavy in the first place.

"Wut?" the drunkard asked. It appeared that all of his friends seemed really angry.

"Shunsui… you're not helping."

* * *

><p>"A TALKING CAT?"<p>

Renji immediately chucked her near-emptysaké bottle into the churning waters of the sewer. She had thought of taking advantage of her 'to-be-traitor' position and having a nice drink – now it seemed she was paying the price.

"Come quickly. Ichigo's waiting." With that brief message, the black cat leapt out of the sewer. "I'm afraid he's… a little tied up at the moment."

"Wait, what? Who are you? Why are you talking? Am I dreaming? Damn!"

After one last glance around, she left – leaving poor old Hanataro to her own devices.

And what her quick last glance did not register was a shadowy figure hurrying away down the complex sewers of Sereitei.

* * *

><p>"I don't get it, why do you run away?"<p>

_Clang._

The intruder scoffed. "I don't see why you're so keen to find out."

_Slash. Block. Clang._

"I thought you said all you wanted to do was fight." With that, Ichigo took off again, ducking and weaving through maze-like passages. The Kenpachi wasn't far behind.

He paused for a moment, waiting for the bloodthirsty woman to catch up to him. To his surprise, she appeared around the next corner in front of him. Once again he parried her blows. This time Kenpachi said, "You're running in circles. You take care to make sure the way you run is twisted and confusing. You wait when I fall behind. And you're strong enough to block my blows, but you've never tried to attack me. Why is that?"

_Swish. Dodge._

Sidestepping behind the massive battle-scarred woman, Ichigo again fled with shunpo.

When they met again, Kenpachi answered herself. "You're trying to distract me."

This time the Ryoka smiled.

"You don't have to, you know. I just want to fight you – I ain't gonna rat out your friends. Look, I'll even help you. If you fight me, I'll do anything you want. And I don't care what people say, I don't break promises after a good fight."

"I'm afraid it's the fighting part I'm afraid of. I suppose I'm just using you. Look, both of us are exchanging blows and flaring reiastu. Most people are gonna think you're fighting me, and to not interfere. I'm counting on that."

"Oh, so you're not trying to distract me?" Kenpachi sounded almost disappointed. Being Captain of what was considered one of the most thickheaded Divisions of the Gotei 13, a messed up chance to prove her brainpower was a little depressing. That and how she was rumored to possess the worst sense of direction in the Society of Souls.

Ichigo hated disappointing people. Most big damn heroes do. "Well, I guess you're sort of right. I'm using this fight to distract everyone else. I mean, I'm the horrible Ryoka who's fighting a captain. Should allow a few people to slip around unnoticed for a while."

Kenpachi smiled. "I see. Okay, it's a deal. Let's have a giant fight to make everyone look at us!"

"Sure." Zangestu clashed once more with Zaraki Kenpachi's nameless blade before both combatants drew back.

"Right! I'm looking forward to this! Tell you what, I'm even going to let you have the first strike. Come at me, Ichigo Kurosaki!" the captain laughed like a maniac. "And no holding back!"

_Let's go, Zangestu. _

_Of course. Sharpen your will, and strike with precision._

_Yeah, and no holding back._

Together, they charged.

* * *

><p>Hanataro smiled happily. She had found the anesthetic with relative ease – well, she had spent a lot of time trying to get up the courage of 'sneaking around' in her own barracks and searching through musty old boxes full of strange and long-forgotten medicines in the dark. Now to get back into the sewers.<p>

That's when things started to go downhill for her.

When she exited the storage rooms, she noticed how far the sun had moved across the Society of Soul's blue sky. It was way past the time she was supposed to be back.

As she headed to an opening, she noticed that something was terribly wrong.

Hurrying up to one of the 4th Division members crowding around the sewer entrance, she asked what all the commotion was about. She gasped at the answer she received:

"Vice-Captain Abarai was seen this morning in the sewers… and the Ryoka that she reported she had defeated is fighting Captain Zaraki Kenpachi!"

_Oh no! The plan's completely blown now… what should I do?_

* * *

><p>Sitting under the Sokyoku hill, Yoruichi barely paid attention to Renji as the tattooed woman swung her zanpakuto around like a maddened freak. Quietly, as not to disturb the Bankai training of the other, the cat slipped out with feline grace to meet back up with Ichigo.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Yoruichi ran, feeling the strange boy's reiastu. Still unsure of what he wanted, if he was friend or foe, the black cat decided to help him out anyway. They had lost their Ichigo, and Yoruichi had given up stopping Aizen for good. But seeing this boy defeat Jidanbo and scare Ichimaru with such ease had given Urahara's accomplice new hope: perhaps this child could save the Society of Souls?<em>

_This hope, however, was not at all without doubts. Besides, what was this idiot doing flaring his reiastu like this?_

_Soon the idiot in question came into view. Yoruichi did a double take. The orange-haired boy was screaming and shouting too! He didn't seem to know a single thing about stealth. Didn't he know that they were trying to mount a rescue mission?_

_The feline landed lightly in front of Ichigo. "What are you doing? You could have alerted an entire Division like that! In fact, a captain could be comin-"_

"_Yeah. That's why I need you to find Renji in the sewers and help her get bankai. Please, take her under the Sokyoku and then after you get her started come back and meet me."_

"_Renji?"_

"_Vice-captain of the 6__th__."_

"_Ichigo… most people would notice a vice-captain disappearing in a matter of-"_

_A thundering monstrous reiastu overwhelmed their senses. "I-Ichigo! Run! It's a Captain!"_

_The Substitute noted calmly, "Looks like the distraction has arrived. Right, I'll keep everyone's attention on us. Just find that red pineapple and help her get bankai, 'kay? Come back when you're ready._

_The black cat looked at the boy incredulously._

_And Ichigo just gave a confident smile. And so Yoruichi went to find Renji. Because somehow, there might be hope after all…_

* * *

><p>Using a strong knockout potion, Hanataro dispatched the Shinigami guarding Rukia. Dropping down from her precarious perch on a convenient roof, she crept up the door of the Senzaikyu, apologizing to the unconscious guards as she did so.<p>

Taking a deep breath, she opened it. _For Ichigo-sama, and Vice-Captain Renji, and for everyone else, I'm going to be brave and save the Society of Souls!_ "Rukia-sama, I'm here to rescue you."

* * *

><p>Setting down her brush, the Captain raised a graceful gloved hand to let the Hell Butterfly alight. Her steel-grey eyes widened ever so slightly at its message.<p>

"The Central 46 has decided that Rukia Kuchiki's execution is to be rescheduled to… _tomorrow_."

The turmoil in her heart peaked at the words. But she pushed it to the back of her mind – because duty called.

Taking her sword, she left the barracks of the 6th, intent on stopping the intruder at the Senzaikyu.

* * *

><p><strong>Is it just me or are my chapters getting longer?<strong>

**Hehehe, hopefully see ya soon, because while I haven't been able to write I've already planned out most of the story. And I think I made it all too obvious who poor Ichi-nii-san's up against next. **

**Next time: A reunion with a twist – Kuchiki Siblings Revealed! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay, I'm just going to tell you now, fights that go like they do in the anime are probably going to be cut short, if I even deign to mention them, anyway. Also, if you want, I can post a "timeline" for the chapters, but I'll tell you all now that most of the fights don't happen, like Ganju vs Yumichika and some that do won't be featured like Chad vs Kyoraku. Just use the story and a bit of this rare magical substance called logic to figure out what happens, okay? I'll try to give enough hints to help out XD**

* * *

><p><strong>Renuions, Heroism and Pride<strong>

The triumphant strawberry smiled, hefting his oversized meat knife on one shoulder. Yachiru had given him hearty congratulations and thanks for fighting "Ken-chan", as well as made him promise to fight the wild woman again sometime…

..before pulling the battered, bleeding and unconscious captain on his tiny shoulders and carrying her away like she weighed nothing.

Must be the sugar.

That or being near Kenpachi all the time let his/her awesome seep into you. One thing was certain – if it wasn't for his Bankai and Hollow, Ichigo doubted he would have been standing right now. And he seriously doubted if he would eve forget female Kenpachi. Ugh.

He turned, and was absolutely satisfied to see Yoruichi's look of feline amazement.

"I-Ichigo…"

"Hah! That was nothing!" Sure, he was bleeding in the head and there was a nasty wound across chest, not to mention the countless 'small' cuts and bruises, but nothing enough to stop a heroic main character. Heck, even the in a universe where side characters can survive being stabbed in the gut… well, let's just say that our little strawberry's treating a fight with one of the most feared of the Gotei 13 like a walk in the park. Typical teenage hero.

Yoruichi, however, was as sharp as ever. "So, what's the next part of your plan?"

"Oh? Renji's training already?" Ichigo thought for a while. "Well, the next step is to get all my friends under the Sokyoku as well and then I'll sort of come up with the next step."

"YOU DON'T KNOW THE NEXT STEP OF YOUR PLAN?"

"Uh… um…"

_Is this guy for real? And just how many 'friends' does he have? _Yoruichi's thoughts seemed to leak through the fur-covered skull.

"You know, the Ryoka…"

The fur-covered shoulders relaxed a little._ Oh just them. I suppose it makes sense-_

"…and Hanataro."

_IS THIS GUY SOME SORT OF MAGNET? _

* * *

><p>Rukia lifted his grey eyes to the opening door to the Senzaikyu, revealing the night sky outside. Renji had come to him and informed him of a bunch of Ryoka strong enough to fight seated officers… perhaps…<p>

_Ichigo?_

"Uh, um, h-hello, Rukia-sama. I'm here to rescue you. Please, come out q-quickly."

The prisoner's surprise was evident. "Hanataro!"

The medic in question just gave a shaky nod and beckoned frantically at the opening. Somehow, all the courage from a chapter ago had evaporated.

Rukia's gaze softened as he tried to explain the situation to the trembling girl. After all, she would never have attempted something so completely insane if she actually knew what was happening, right?

"Hanataro… thanks for trying to rescue me. But I don't want to be rescued. This is the price for giving Ichigo my powers. I knew this all along. I shouldn't try to fight my fate."

The medic frowned. With clenched fists, she shouted: "NO! You don't understand! This is all a plot by Aizen – YOU DON'T DESERVE TO DIE!"

A silence the weight of lead dropped into the cell. Both Hanataro and Rukia were shocked beyond words. Neither of them knew what to do next. But there was someone else who did:

"I came to the Senzaikyu sensing a faint reiatsu, wondering what powerful enemy was masking their spiritual power… but it turned out to be just a weakling."

There was the sound of a katana being drawn…

* * *

><p>"This reiatsu… it's enormous…"<p>

Ichigo frowned. _Why would __**he**__ be at the Senzaikyu? _

He snapped out of his thoughts at what Yoruichi said next. "Wait, there's someone else, too…"

_No… Hanataro…_

"Yoruichi, change of plans. Go get Ishida, Chad and Orihime."

"What? You're no seriously thinking of taking on _another_ Captain are you?"

"Yeah… if it means saving one of my friends."

* * *

><p>With all the grace befitting a noble, Byakuya raised her blade, preparing to strike lethal results.<p>

But at the last moment, someone held her back.

"Phew, glad I got here in time." Ukitake smiled kindly at her former officer and the 4th Division medic.

"Capatian Ukitake, as you can see, these are enemies of the Society of Souls. They must be stopped." Senbonzakura was once again raised –

And once was again halted.

Ukitake gasped.

Byakuya's eyes widened in shock.

Hanataro squeaked with surprise.

And Rukia murmured, "Ichigo."

And Ichigo stared. He jumped back in front of Rukia and Hanataro, oversized sword hanging limp at his side.

"Whoa…"

* * *

><p>Byakuya stared. <em>The reiatsu is the same… but… he's a boy? What is happening?<em>

Within her mind, Senbonzakura muttered, _Such a disrespectful boy… he just loves insulting our pride, doesn't he?_

_Yes, we cannot allow this upstart to disrupt the peace_. As she was answering, the Captain wondered why her Zanpakuto sounded so... _amused_.

Until Rukia shouted: "STOP STARING AT NII-SAMA'S BOOBS, YOU PERV!"

And the strange boy shouted back: "I AM NOT A PERVERT! AND BESIDES, WHY ARE YOU CALLING HER YOUR NII-SAMA?"

_So, he cannot be Ichigo Kurosaki - he does not know that Rukia and I are related._

_And he's a little pervert._ The Zanpakuto spirit just couldn't keep her masked mouth shut, could she?

…

_Well, I suppose you can't blame him._

…

_What? Not everyone is so well-endowed, you know. I say we use this temporary distraction to cut him down._

… _that would be dishonourable._

_So is gawking at your chest. _Byakuya had to admit, it was an excellent point. What with the emotional stress over Rukia's pending doom, her own Vice-Captain betraying the Gotei 13, having her deadly blade stopped twice…

A burst of shunpo brought her behind her prey, and she swung her blade, only for it to be stopped for the third time in the last few minutes.

"I can see you, Byakuya. Hey, is it just me or are you moving slower?" the carrot-top looked down. "Is it the extra weight?"

Ichigo really is too innocent for his own good.

Eyes narrowing dangerously, Byakuya answered by swinging her katana viciously at him. Jumping back, she attempted to compose herself, barely registering what the odd Ryoka was saying with her brother. An amazing feat, considering that the two were having a shouting match.

"W-who are you?"

"Your rescuer!"

"I don't need a rescuer! Stop trying to rescue me!"

"Yeah, you do! Or else the entire Soul Society is doomed!"

"What? What do you mean? Don't I get a say in this?"

"NO! From this point on, all your opinions are rejected! I won't let Aizen win this time!"

_Soul Society? Aizen? Who is this boy?_

In a calm yet command tone, Byakuya asked, "What is your name, boy?"

"Ichigo Kurosaki, Substitue Shinigami," came the reply.

Now it was Ukitake's turn to interrogate the intruder. "A Substitute? There hasn't been a Substitute for centuries!"

_So… a liar. And perhaps also the one who killed Captain Aizen_. "Very well. Come with us – you are under arrest."

"No way! I'm going to resuce Rukia!"

"I cannot allow that." _Time to finish this_. "Scatter, Senbonzakura."

And just when Byakuya thought she would see some blood spill, a white piece of cloth wrapped around the blade, effectively stopping its release.

"You!"

"Long time no see, Lil'Byakuya."

* * *

><p><strong>I love how that ended just like the episode. Please fav and review, and tell me if there are any plot-holes or if anyone needs any things explained more clearly, and tell me what's good and what's bad and what's just too darn confusing.<strong>

**And if any of you can tell, yes, I do read TVtropes and I do include them here. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Soooooooooo sorry for having you guys wait so long, but schools takin up time. I hope this chapter is as good as the others, I feel like it doesn't flow so well. Please tell me in a review or something if you feel that something isn't right, it helps.**

**This is the chapter where everything really starts to get into critical, with action and emotion and suspense and all that, I hope I didn't overdo it.**

**Thanks all for the reviews and favs so far! Let the story continue...**

* * *

><p><strong><span>Beginning of the End<span>**

Yoruichi smiled. "Long time no see, Lil' Byakuya."

Purple hair tied in a ponytail with face covered by a scarf, Yoruichi Shihoin leapt with feline grace –

- and stabbed Ichigo in the stomach.

His last conscious words were: "Wait, I have b…"

"You can't beat Byakuya yet," muttered Yoruichi.

Ichigo blacked out, knowing full well that this entire meeting would result in nothing but a very, _very,_ pissed off Byakuya.

* * *

><p>In the depths of her own mind, Byakuya sighed. Somehow, she had known that she just wouldn't have beaten Yoruichi, even though they hadn't had a game of tag in… well… a few decades. Women have a thing about how they measure time, because time is how you measure age. This is one of the reasons why the majority of the Captains in the Society of Souls like the captain's meetings so much, because they get to see Head-Captain Yamamoto. The minority of the Captains, however, hate the captain's meetings for the exact same reason.<p>

Today, or rather, tonight, was not her day. Or night. Well, the whole week hadn't been her day.

But today was definitely the worse. Her vice-captain gone, her brother's execution moved up, Ryoka continuing to wreak havoc, Kenpachi causing even more havoc, a certain demon-cat showing up, nostalgia making her feel old…

If she wasn't the 28th Head of the Kuchiki Clan, she would have screamed.

"Aren't you going to chase after them?" Ukitake asked her fellow Captain, concerned.

"No. I have lost interest." answered Byakuya. As she walked away, her zanpakuto teased, _Then stop thinking about him._

_I have no interest in chasing that demon-cat._

_That's not who I meant._

* * *

><p>Ukitake had Senataro and Kiyone put the unconscious Rukia back in his cell. It surprised her that Byakuya was angry enough to release so much reiatsu. Or perhaps she was… no, that was deginitely impossible. She approached the cowering medic of the 4th Division to see if she could help piece all the strange happenings together.<p>

_Aizen winning? A Substitute? _

In an instant, the healer was bowing in front of her, pleading. "P-please, Captain Ukitake, you have to save Rukia-sama! For Ichigo-sama's sake!"

* * *

><p>Ichigo woke in a vast cavern, surrounded by his genderbent friends. Yoruichi glared at him with ferocity that only a cat could muster. "You shouldn't have tried to take on another Captain, Ichigo. And definitely not Byakuya. Not until you have bankai."<p>

At this point, Ichigo lost it. "Look, I DO have bankai! BAN-KAI!"

His reiatsu knocked his companions to the ground. Except Yoruichi.

"Wow, Miss Yoruichi, you must be really strong!" exclaimed Orihime. "You must be the strongest cat in the world." Thinking quickly with every Orihime's brand of logic, he added, "Both worlds. And in the Dangai. All worlds. Yeah."

"Well, I'm flattered, but you're wrong there. I'm not a cat."

When the smoke cleared, standing among them without any shame was a naked man. He had long purple hair and dark skin, and golden eyes surveying with delight at the various reactions of the rest of the group.

Most of them were along the lines of the question: "You're _not_ a cat?" or the statement: "You're _not wearing clothes_!"

But Ichigo's amused him the most: "YOU'RE A MAN? Oh wait, that makes sense…"

"And why does it make sense?"

Ichigo frowned. "Well, everyone's a different gender now. I should've guessed that you were a guy."

Cue the confusion.

The strawberry sighed. "I guess I should start from the beginning…"

* * *

><p>Hanataro was scared out of her wits. She had already been scolded by Captain Unohana once; she didn't want to imagine what would happen if she was caught sneaking out of captivity.<p>

Walking a few paces in front of her was a low-ranking Shinigami of the 6th Division sporting the same tattoos as the vice-captain. And the person that broke her out of her cell. She was treating the whole thing like some great adventure, and going on and on about how absolutely amazing Vice-Captain Abarai was. If fact, she was slightly disappointed when Hanataro had insisted that they send a message to the Ryoka before anything else. Somehow, this Rikichi didn't think anything short of rushing out and fighting alongside Renji Abarai was acceptable. But this was important.

It helped that Rikichi was so low-ranked that she was almost always the one stuck with taking care of the Hell Butterflies.

The next few minutes passed as a blur, and before she knew it she was watching the black butterfly flap its way towards wherever Ichigo was. She hoped that the butterfly's message didn't include the shakiness in her voice.

"_Hurry, Ichigo-sama. Rukia__-sama's execution has been moved up... to __**this afternoon**__!"_

* * *

><p>"And that's the plan."<p>

Ichigo beamed. The dusty ground around him was covered in markings and, in big letters near 'the top', were the words '**THE PLAN'**.

"Th-that's a great plan Kurosaki-chan!" stuttered Orihime. He may have been a man, but even so, he was a feminine man. You couldn't be all that manly when your powers were control over a couple of fairies.

The Quincy snorted. "Is that the best plan you can come up with, _Shinigami_?"

Chad grunted. Ichigo hoped it was a grunt of approval. If Orihime was a whiny feminine man, then Chad made up for it by being a woman with lots of muscles and very few words. And an arm that fired laser beams.

Yoruichi was looking thoughtfully at a particular set of scribbles. He was smiling. And, thank goodness, he was also wearing clothes.

Renji was still spamming her Bankai. Ichigo got the distinct impression that she was trying to impress someone, but he couldn't figure out for the love of life and afterlife who. And she kept looking at him for some reason. Maybe she wanted to talk to him about his awesome plan?

Satisfied, he dismissed them and went off to the healing spring. It was a bit strange to know that he couldn't take too long to fix up his wounds from Kenpachi, seeing as there were four other people waiting their turn.

Trust a female Urahara to make the waters pink and smell like roses.

* * *

><p>Toshiro Hitsugaya's heart was still pounding after the fight. It was a pity that The silver-haired Captain's heart was also still beating.<p>

Toshiro frowned. Only the extreme could have driven Momo to break out of his cell. The letter must have done something to him, someone must have done something to him. And she knew exactly who did it. Gin.

The young captain watched as Matsumoto carried the unconscious boy away. For once, the lazy man wasn't drunk off his ass or trying to grope her. Or both.

She swore that she would get to the bottom of this… and repay Gin for harming Momo.

* * *

><p>Ukitake tried to sleep, knowing full well that trying to take the Head-Captain on fatigued would result in certain death.<p>

* * *

><p>Kyoraku, on the other hand, was snoring her head off underneath her straw hat, empty sake bottle in one hand. She knew that if she was going to die the next day, then she may as well spend the night drunk.<p>

* * *

><p>Byakuya had dreams about strawberries for some reason. She didn't even like sweet things.<p>

* * *

><p>Rukia had nightmares about re- killing Kaien on continuous loop.<p>

* * *

><p>Ganju dreamed about pigs. But that doesn't matter, because she hardly appears in this fanfiction. She is as ugly as ever.<p>

* * *

><p>And Aizen dreamed about multi-world domination. But then, when had she not?<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Oh no, the SUSPENSE! What will happen in the next chapter? Will history be changed? Will Ichigo be able to out-plan Aizen or will Rukia be killed before his very eyes? WILL KYORAKU HAVE A HANGOVER?<strong>

**Will I even post the next chapter?**

**Will you fav and review?**

**Next time: The last battle begins! Ichigo vs Aizen, Duty vs Emotions, and Ganju vs Heavy Editing! **

**Oh wait, I kinda gave away if I will post the next chapter right there.**

**WHO WILL WIN IN THE END?**


	7. Chapter 7

**GenderBender 7**

**Sorry for not updating in a while (years?). Real Life gets in the way of fanfiction. NO MUM, I DO NOT THINK I NEED TO EAT, SO THERE. Also, I sort of dropped Bleach, so needed to rewatch some episodes to get this thing right, and to get a feel of the characters again. **

**I take my research seriously. **

**Okay guys, to clear up some confusion that probably going on, the timeline is: Chapter 1 – Aug 1****st ****(morning), Chapter 2 – Aug 1****st ****(morning - afternoon), Chapter 3 – Aug 1****st ****(afternoon - night), Chapter 4 – Aug 2****nd ****(morning – evening), Chapter 5 – Aug 2****nd**** (evening – night), Chapter 6 – Aug 2****nd**** (night), Chapter 7 – Aug 3****rd**** (morning - afternoon). In the previous chapter, Hanataro's message said "**_**This Afternoon**_**". She knew it was late at night, so she guessed that by the time Ichigo got the message it would be the next morning. Which is right. Smart kid. Still kinda a wimp, though.**

**Also, the original day of Aizen's 'murder' is August 5****th****, and the original day of the execution was August 6****th****.**

* * *

><p><strong>Execution Time!<strong>

Ichigo looked at the morning sun, and took a deep breath of fresh morning air. He watched the sun rise over the Society of Souls, where all the people he once knew were the opposite gender. His heroic pose was ruined when a small Hell Butterfly landed on his nose.

A few seconds later, he rushed to where the rest of his motely gang were preparing for their big rescue.

"Ichigo-sama, please hurry! Rukia-sama's execution has been moved up to this afternoon!"

* * *

><p>Renji gulped. Ahead of her were the white buildings of the Shinigami Research and Development Institute.<p>

Her mission: Trash the 12th Division. With a Quincy.

Said Quincy wasn't thrilled either. She pushed her glasses further up her nose. "So… in order for this to work… we needed to take this Captain Kurotsuchi out of the picture."

Renji nodded wordlessly. She was too scared to speak. Originally, they were only to sneak in and mess up a few experiments in order to distract the crazy Captain. Now without any time to spare, they had to fight her face to black-and-white face.

Renji took in a deep breath – and perhaps her last. "Okay. Let's get started. Yep. Right now."

"Of course."

"No time to lose."

"Definitely not."

"No use stalling."

"Absolutely. We have no time to lose."

"…"

The Quincy shot a piercing steel-eyed glare, framed by glass and powered by anger. "You are stalling, aren't you, you cowardly _Shinigami_."

"What do you mean by _that_, _Quincy_?"

"Ichigo should not have trusted you to go on this mission! I could have handled it fine by myself."

"Like Ichigo would trust you after you abandoned him like that!"

Both tempers and reiatsu flared.

"I am far more worthy of his trust than you, filthy Shinigami!"

"Face it! Ichigo likes me better, you four-eyed freak!"

"Don't be stupid! Besides, I saw Ichigo first!"

Suddenly, both of them stopped the shouting match as a giant wave of reiatsu washed over them like a golden tsunami.

And Zaraki Kenpachi said, "So, what's all this about Ichigo?"

* * *

><p>Renji looked helplessly as Ishida was getting tortured by the mad scientist captain. Wiping out the Quincy was bad enough… but to show Ishida a picture of her mauled grandmother…<p>

The crazy-prepared captain had set up a barrier to prevent interference and for her own safety – Renji couldn't break in, and Kenpachi thought it was more fun to fight the rest of the 12th Division before working on a 'boring wall of kido'. And Renji knew better than to argue with her former captain when she was having fun.

Damn that crazy scientist, she was prepared for anything.

She knew she couldn't show her bankai without risking messing up 'THE PLAN', but she also couldn't stand just looking on when her friend… ally… Quincy person was getting beaten to the ground by one of the less human Captains around.

Speaking of less human Captains, Kenpachi had just about finished fighting the experiments released from the labs. Her fifth seat, Yumichika, was happily admiring her own beauty in the reflective surface of some machine. Her third seat, Ikkaku, was happily admiring her own destruction of some machine. The Vice-Captain of the 11th, Yachiru, was just happy.

"Man, what kinda Division is this? All these guys are wimps!" said Kenpachi.

"Well, they're more focused on research instead of fighting…" Renji told her former Captain.

"Wow, that's messed up. Good thing we came and showed them how to have fun, right?"

Renji surveyed the ruins of what was once the Shinigami Research and Development Institute, and now a site of mass destruction, littered with battered scientists.

So much for a 'little distraction'…

Just when Renji thought the mess couldn't get any bigger, Mayuri (her name takes on a whole new meaning now that she's female…) released her bankai. The giant caterpillar-baby thing belched poison clouds, filling up the kido-box in which the fight was taking place. Suddenly, white light pierced through the poison clouds, shooting up into the sky. Soon after, a gigantic explosion rocked the ground, piercing through the kido barrier.

The few people who still conscious in the vicinity stared in awe, before heading towards the site of the battle. Even Kenpachi couldn't get lost when you shot a signal beam like that.

They found Ishida a little roughed up – by 11th Division standards, others might call it 'seriously injured' – drinking something out of a bottle. Ikkaku asked if it was sake, and got called a filthy Shinigami. Kenpachi asked where Mayuri was, and got called a stupid oaf. But Ishida also told the 'stupid oaf' that Mayuri had turned herself into a puddle and escaped. Renji asked what Ishida had done to make Mayuri release bankai. And she answered: "I said her makeup was ugly."

* * *

><p>Ichigo shielded his eyes when the pillar of white light erupted from what he supposed was the 12th Division. He hadn't told Ishida to go that far, but he guessed her Shinigami-hate drove her to pick fights with people. Maybe he should introduce her to the 11th Division.<p>

"Well, looks like it's time to head to the Sokyoku and save the day!" he said enthusiastically. Heroism always put him in a good mood.

Chad gave him a thumbs up, and Orihime gives an encouraging, "Kurosaki-chan!"

Ichigo had never realized how manly "Kurosaki-kun" sounded. He felt like one of his sisters.

"Okay guys. Er, follow the plan, I guess. And don't get hurt…" _It feels so strange to actually have a plan to follow, I usually just rush headfirst into situations like this… but that's how Aizen won last time, right?_

With that, our hero leapt out of the hole in the cliff face and proceeded to use his spiritual powers to boost himself up towards the execution grounds, leaping through the air.

"You know," said a very male Yoruichi, "he could have just taken the stairs."

* * *

><p>Kaname Tosen lived for justice. Justice guided her every move, defined her path in life, and drove her actions. She was looking forward to seeing Justice being dealt to the traitor Rukia Kuchiki, and also because it would further plans that would lead to greater Justice.<p>

Komamura walked alongside her justice-obsessed friend, along with their respective Vice-Captains. The large captain enjoyed spending time with her friend, even if she sometimes seemed to go a little overboard when it came to justice.

Tosen really liked Justice. But she also liked Peace. So when they saw a bright pillar of light shoot upwards from the 12 Division with a flare of reiatsu, they decided to investigate.

What they saw (well, everyone but Tosen saw, seeing as she was blind), was Zaraki Kenpachi and her goons, ahem, members of her Division standing in the ruins of the Shinigami Research and Development Institute surrounded by injured members of said Institute.

The Captain of the 11th Division didn't seem at all worried – in fact, it looked like she was getting ready to take a nap.

"Zaraki Kenpachi. Your barbaric ways shall not go unpunished. Now, prepare to face Justice."

Instead of begging for forgiveness and trying to redeem herself in the face of Justice, Kenpachi smiled. "Well girls, looks like this day just keeps getting better!"

* * *

><p>Head-Captain Yamamoto looked around, surprised to see so many Captains and Vice-Captains missing. She understood that the execution had been moved up with surprisingly little notice in a short amount of time, but that didn't mean it was an excuse to stop being punctual. She decided to pass a rule that said any Captain who was not punctual in the future would be executed. There.<p>

She looked at the assembled members of the Gotei 13. Her own Vice-Captain, whose name she could not quite remember and was standing somewhere behind her, was not worth noticing.

The captain of the 2nd Division, Soifon, was standing to the side, a serious look on his face. He looked quite small compared to his Vice-Captain, whose chins almost rivaled Yamamoto's wrinkles. Girls these days… they should care about their appearance more. Making the Gotei 13 look bad. Perhaps she should pass a rule and have all fat people executed.

Both members of the 3rd Division were absent. They better have a good excuse, or else they were going to get executed. Same with the 4th. Unohana may be one of the most feared men in the Society of Souls, but that wasn't going to stop him from getting executed. At least his Vice-Captain was here. But maybe he should get executed too, as a lesson.

Such were the thoughts of Genryusai Shigekuni Yamamoto, wise and fair Head-Captain of the Gotei 13.

During this time, Byakuya Kuchiki had arrived, and after looking at her traitorous brother for a second, she took her place. Her Vice-Captain was missing. That girl was going to get exec-

It's actually quite amazing that Yamamoto hasn't killed off everyone in the three worlds yet.

Yamamoto was in a very good mood today – might have something to do with having an actual, legit execution. So she decided to give this Rukia kid a chance to say goodbye to the world. "Rukia Kuchiki, do you have any last words?"

"Yes… just one."

* * *

><p>Ishida and Renji ran towards the Sokyoku. Reaching the base, Renji gulped.<p>

"Scared, Shinigami?"

"Nope."

"Looks like we wait, then."

"Yep."

The Quincy turned on her. "What's with these one word answers? Can't you see I'm trying to hold a conversation here?"

"Yeah… but do you think he'll be all right?"

"Huh? Ichigo? Of course. Why wouldn't he be?"

"Two words – Captain. Kuchiki."

* * *

><p>Rukia watched Head-Captain Yamamoto and that other guy behind him fade as he rose towards his death.<p>

The Sokyoku released, turning into a giant flaming bird. Far below him, the Head Captain was saying something. Probably something about executions – everyone knew how much the old woman loved them. Rukia closed his eyes, waiting to be burned into nothingness. He thought about his life, and how good it had been. He realized that he wasn't sad, and that he didn't have any regrets. He thanked all the people who had made it so. And he said farewell to those he would leave behind.

He wanted to remember the last thing he saw before this moment. The last thing his eyes saw… he pictured it clearly… it was… Yamamoto's wrinkly old face fading into the distance. Yeulch.

Okay, maybe he did have _one_ regret: not getting a better last image. Knowing he had only a few seconds to remedy this, Rukia desperately searched his recent memories for something, anything, worth remembering before death.

There was… Nii-sama. She was so perfect, so _noble_. Yes, he would hold on to this last time he saw her… she had looked at him before taking her place… it seemed like a look of… disappointment? Disgust? That look in her eyes… no, it would not do to make this his last memory. Nii-sama's face was too painful.

_Look for something else, something perfect, something that's worth it, to die without regrets…_

And he found it. Or rather, them. Just because he couldn't stand to look at Nii-sama's face doesn't mean that he couldn't admire her… um, _perfect form_, right? Noble, graceful, _voluptuous_…

Right, now he really, _really_ deserved to die.

* * *

><p>The giant phoenix lunged…<p>

Rukia opened his eyes after realizing that he wasn't vaporized yet. "You again?"

"Yeah. C'mon Rukia, I'm here to rescue you!"

"Idiot! I don't need to be rescued! And who are you anyway?"

"The guy who's going to rescue you," Ichigo took a deep breath, "Ichigo Kurosaki, Substitute Shinigami!"

Rukia blinked. They had done this before, hadn't they? "Oh, you're the pervert who tried to look at Nii-sama's chest, are you?"

"I wasn't looking because I wanted to; I was just surprised to see Byakuya with them!"

"Oh, so you've never seen a girl with boobs before? That's hardly an excuse to stare."

With a screech, the Kikōō reared again, preparing for another attack and interrupting the heartfelt reunion.

"Look, whoever you are, get out of here! You won't be able to stop the Sokyoku again!"

"No way. This is my second chance at stopping Aizen and rescuing you. I'm not gonna mess that up again!"

Boy and big flaming bird thing charged.

And then they both stopped – because the Ukitakinator had arrived. Along with her good friend Kyoraku the Drunk and a piece of stolen equipment, they broke the Sokyoku. Giant pieces of flaming bird fell from the sky, to fall onto the unfortunate people below.

And it was _awesome_.

* * *

><p><em>Well, so much for dying. Man, this feels really anticlimactic from my angle, you know, <em>thought Rukia. He was currently being held by the waist, one handed, while this new Ichigo talked about how Aizen wouldn't win this time. _Yeah? Well, have I got news for you – Aizen's dead, dumbass. Geez, if he was rescuing me I would at least feel grateful, but now it just looks like I'm just here to help settle a grudge against a guy who's already gone._

He felt himself being lifted. _Sometimes I wish I was bigger. I feel like a doll or something._

Then something new Ichigo was saying caught his attention. _Chad? Is Chad here?_

And sure enough, Chad was there, waiting on the ground, so very far away. She had her arms outstretched, as if she was going to give a hug. _That's kind of nice. With all the nightmares and stress and that meeting with Gin, I could use a hug. Too bad she's so far away._

As if he heard her thoughts, her rescuer drew back his arm, and threw him towards Chad.

"! IDONTWANNADIEANYMORE!"

* * *

><p>Ichigo hoped changing Renji with Chad didn't mess up the events too much. After all, he really needed Aizen to make an appearance in order to kill him. Her. Wow, he was getting good at this gender thing.<p>

It probably had something to do with fighting the genderbent Vice-Captains. When you've seen Omaeda wearing lipstick, it really sticks in your mind that this is not the Gotei 13 you're used to.

He felt Kyoraku and Ukitake's reiatsu fade, with Yamamoto's close behind. Yoruichi should arrive any moment now… Ichigo thought he saw a blur, saw the cloud of dust, and felt her reiatsu rapidly fade along with Soifon's. Which just left…

_Clang._

"Hey Byakuya, I swear you're slower than normal. So, uh, any pride and duty speeches?" Ichigo was asking because he genuinely wanted this to go over as quick as possible, but the captain took it as an insult. To be frank, she took pretty much everything any Ichigo said as an insult, so there really wasn't much the poor boy could do.

"I see no reason to speak to someone like _you_."

The way she said 'you' reminded Ichigo that no matter what gender Byakuya was Byakuya was still the same stuck-up Byakuya. He tried a different tactic.

"Uh, I really think you should be trying to rescue Rukia. Isn't sh- he your sis- brother?"

Byakuya leapt back, and replied: "I will tell you my reasons if you win."

"Yeah. Should've known you'd pull that one again. Well, just saying, this is a whole lot bigger than a promise to your clan and your wife." Ichigo had expected this to calm the Captain down. It would have worked, given all the stress and confusion Captain Kuchiki had been feeling lately, had he not made one little mistake…

"I never had a _wife_."

**After a long, long break because of real life, this fanfiction has been written in an entirely different country from the previous chapters, on an entirely different computer. But I have retrieved my files, and I will continue writing. So yeah. Next up: How does Byakuya respond to being accused of liking girls? The same way she seems to respond to everything Ichigo does: Badly. Bankai, Senbonzakura Kageyoshi.**


	8. Chapter 8

**I must say, one of my favourite filler characters is Senbonzakura. He strikes me as a hypocrite and a bit of a cloudcukoolander as well, always saying stupid things in a calm and reasonable tone of voice. And he likes pushing buttons, in more ways than one…**

**But my absolute favourite is Filler!Rukia. Girl's got a body any man would fall for, LOL.**

**And yes, this is one of those Main Character x Everyone stories, because they are FUNNY. Love makes you crazy, and crazy is fun to write!**

**This is one of those chapters that wrote itself, the inspiration just kept coming as I watched the episodes!**

**Oh, and hello again Nartog and Ranmawho1! Nice to see you guys still around after such a long time, leaving nice reviews for me!**

* * *

><p><strong>Wrinkles and Tears<strong>

Once again, the wave of pink blades missed.

_Senbonzakura, we will not win if you do not concentrate!_

_Of course, master._

The attack missed again.

_Senbonzakura!_

_I'm sorry; it's just that… I never knew you had a wife._

…

Thunder roared in Byakuya's inner world. Senbonzakura got the slightest feeling that maybe, _just maybe_, her master didn't want her to mention this again. Without missing a beat, she changed the subject.

_Besides… you don't exactly want to win this, do you, master?_

_Nonsense. I must defeat this intruder and restore peace to the Society of Souls._

_Well, from what I could tell with the few times I've clashed with that… mmm, __**Zangestu**__, neither of you seem serious..._

_Perhaps I am a little curious…_

_Curious? It doesn't seem wise to hide your heart from the one who resides in it._

_My feelings do not matter. This is my duty as a Captain of the Gotei 13._

_Stubborn as always. Very well then, master Byakuya, I shall do my best to aid you in defeating this pervert! Also, you really should wear samurai armour like me. You jiggle when you dodge. _

_I'm starting to consider throwing you off Sokyoku Hill right now… kido should be enough to defeat this boy…_

_Eep!_

Ichigo swore as tiny blades grazed his left side. Was it just him, or did they get faster just now?

* * *

><p>"Nanao-chan, you're last!" Captain Kyoraku said. She batted her eyelids at her Vice-Captain, in an attempt to woo him before she got roasted by Granny Yama.<p>

The bespectacled man muttered something about the Captains being fast, still panting from the journey. Then, his eyes widened in fear.

"I must say, you got here fast."

Yamamoto replied, "No brats can escape me. Fine then, come, you kids. But I won't just be using my fists in this fight."

Her spiritual pressure began to flare as she prepared to release her zanpakuto. The power was astounding – in seconds, Nanao was gasping for breath. He was vaguely aware of his Captain picking him up and carrying him away, away from the monster that was the Head-Captain. "Sorry. I shouldn't have brought you with me."

And with that she left, and the man fell into unconsciousness. His only thought was: _How can you hope to defeat her?_

"Don't go, Captain Kyoraku."

* * *

><p>"I have taught you two that I will not forgive anyone who defies the law and justice."<p>

"You also taught us to pursue our own justice, and become strong for it."

"You cannot pursue your own justice in defiance of the World's Justice!"

"Then what is the 'World's Justice', Master Genryusai?"

You see, Yamamoto was the oldest being in the Society of Souls, and was the most powerful Shinigami alive. She had only the Central 46 and the Soul Queen herself to obey. As such, most people followed her orders without question, acknowledging her wisdom and experience. Nobody ever said, 'Hey, Yamamoto, don'tcha think genocide might not be the answer this time?'. Nobody had argued against her for a long time, so as a result Yamamoto's debating skills were a little rusty.

She did still have one very good argument in her arsenal, though, and she decided that this was the time to use it.

"The time for talk is over." Her reiatsu increased dramatically, bursting into flames. Somewhere, somebody started playing the electric guitar while someone else went crazy on the drums. (Squeamish readers may want to skip this next part.) Slowly, Yamamoto straightened. The captain's haori fell from her shoulders, then, her shihakusho. The black fabric fluttered down to her waist, revealing a well-muscled body covered with scars. Her chest was bound by bandages, yakuza-style. Everything was wrinkly. The camera slowly panned around her, zooming in on each limb, lingering over her sagging, bound chest, before finally going to her aged face, framed by long eyebrows that had not been plucked in more than a century, up bony cheeks, pass eyes as old and crusted as those shipwrecks in the deeps, and then onto her abnormally long and bald forehead which sported a scar in the shape of an 'X' and about another few hundred wrinkles.

For you wimps who skipped that part, let me sum it up for you: Yamamoto had lived for more than two-thousand years, and it showed. Each and every Captain easily felt younger and more beautiful standing within a mile radius of her. In fact, sometimes Toshiro felt as if she had never been born.

"OH GAWD MY EYES!" screamed Kyoraku and Ukitake at the power of her release, which had the ability to burn people to ashes by the sight of her scars and wrink-

Oh wait, that's not her zanpakuto? Whoops.

"Reduce all of creation to ashes, Ryuujin Jakka." The Head-Captain did a few stretches before picking up her staff, which had become Ryuujin Jakka, the strongest fire-type zanpakuto in the Society of Souls. Walls of flame sprang up in every direction, as if the surrounding area had been plunged into Hell itself.

Ukitake and Kyoraku blinked a bit. "Oh, this isn't so bad." "The smoke's a bit tough on my tuberculosis, but at least it obscures Master Genryusai's body."

And so, another showdown began. A master and his former students, in a fight for justice!

* * *

><p>But, far away, was another fight. At the base of Sokyoku Hill, another student fought against his former teacher.<p>

"You can't run and hide forever, Yoruichi!"

The purple-haired man turned and flashed a smile. "I've been doing that for the last hundred years, Soifon – I think I'm pretty good at it!"

Laughing, the God of Flash did a particularly flashy spin through the air, blocking a kick from the Captain of the 2nd Division. Then he flashed away again.

Soifon was furious. Well, that was to be expected, really, after Yoruichi appeared out of nowhere, effortlessly took out the Onmitsukido and proceeded to taunt him like this before turning tail and running. _A cowardly traitor, as always. Always running away. Always abandoning me… no, no, these thoughts don't matter. Well, I'll just catch him, and prove that I'm better than him by killing him!_

He briefly wondered where the smiling man was leading him. They were quite far from the Sokyoku now, and it made no sense to try and lead him away from the fighting. He was just going to win, anyway, and then kill the rest of the _traitor's_ friends as well. Still, best not to get lost. He looked around, and realised that he recognised the surroundings.

_I remember this place…_

"_I can't protect Yoruichi-sama when I'm like this! Not like this!"_

A moonlight night in a grove of cherry blossoms…

"_Yes… you step in… like this!"_

The memories kept coming, no matter how hard he tried to push them out of his head.

"_Don't think too hard. You're doing fine as it is."_

"_No, I'm not good enough! In order to protect you, I need more power…"_

The same grove of cherry blossoms…

"_No… I'm lacking in __**everything**__…"_

_A soft touch on his head… "That's enough…"_

"_Yoruichi-sama… Yoruichi-sama…"_

"_You're just like me… Sometimes I think of you as my little brother."_

"_Someone like me is undeserving of those words…"_

Soifon was on his knees now, all thoughts of pursuit and killing gone. His vision blurred, and he realised that his eyes were full of tears.

"_I said: that's enough. Look, it's a full moon tonight."_

"_Yes."_

"_I promise to always be at your side, protecting you, forever…"_

His body was shaking with sobs now. He didn't know how to control himself. It was as if years, decades, of training had been stripped away, leaving only the boy from the past.

He felt a soft touch on his head. "That's enough."

Looking up, he saw Yoruichi. His golden eyes full of sorrow, he said: "Soifon, I'm sorry I left you all those years ago. Something important came up, and I never got a chance to say goodbye. I'm sorry. I won't leave you like that again. I'll stay by your side from now on."

"Forever?"

"Forever."

Yoruichi pulled Soifon's head into his lap, and the younger man felt his eyes start to close. It had been quite a long run from the Sokyoku, and he was sure that all the battles and executions could wait. After all, only one thing mattered now. _I'll be with Yoruichi-sama… forever._

Looking down and the little bee's sleeping face, Yoruichi decided that he had ended this quickly enough to squeeze in a little nap without affecting '**THE PLAN'** too much. He smiled, and, true to his word, stayed with Soifon while he slept.

* * *

><p>Ichigo wondered how he was going to win Byakuya over now. He had originally meant for it to go like this:<p>

**Ichigo Vision!**

"_Hey Byakuya, I know you don't really want to kill Rukia, and have to uphold the law. But Aizen's the one behind all this, so you can do both while helping me!" says Imaginary Ichigo. _

"_Oh wow, really?" says Imaginary Byakuya._

"_Yeah! So let's go somewhere and I can explain my really cool plan to you!" says Imaginary Ichigo._

"_You're such a hero, Ichigo! We're so lucky that you decided to save the day!" says Imaginary Byakuya._

_And then they ride off into the sunset._

Now that he thought about it, maybe that was a bit of a stretch. Well, he always had his backup plan: Beat the hell out of whoever is in your way! As some of you may recognise, this is generally Ichigo's plan for every situation.

_Ichigo, I think it would be for the best if we get a Captain on our side._

_Well, we should already have Soifon, so it won't really matter, would it, old man Zangetsu? _

_And what if he has failed?_

_How could Yoruichi fail?_

_Perhaps he gave up, just as you were considering a few minutes ago._

_Oh. But we can't exactly tell Byakuya everything right here out in the open, I still have no idea where Aizen is. Probably at the Central 46, but since the execution date's changed, she might already be on the move!_

_I may have an idea on how to conceal you two, from what I remember of our last fight… but you will need to provoke Byakuya into using bankai. _

_Get Byakuya mad at me? Yeah, way ahead of you, old man Zangetsu!_

"Hey, Byakuya, how about you use your bankai on me?" For added effect, Ichigo stuck his tongue out at her and made a funny face.

"A cheap provocation. Don't get full of yourself. It's a thousand years too early for the likes of you to die by my _bankai_."

"_Right_, but you activate shikai for _no reason at all_." Ichigo could get a Master's Degree in Obliviousness. Unfortunately, Byakuya had one in Injured Pride. The carrot-top dodged yet another wave of deadly blades. "Dammit, this is just stupid. Back to my first plan, then: I'm just gonna beat you up!"

"As I said, you are nowhere near my level-"

Ichigo wasn't listening anymore. He was no longer thinking, because the time for trading blows and delivering cool speeches was over. He had now moved onto the natural second phase of his patented fighting technique – Bankai Spam. Nothing like laying a few sword beams into his opponent to get his point across. "Bankai: Tensa Zangetsu!"

"That is not a bankai."

Ichigo frowned. This was the second time someone had commented on his bankai's size in this world, and somehow it didn't sit right when girls were saying it. He felt some primal, manly desire to prove that -ahem- his 'sword wasn't small'.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. My bankai focuses all my power into my sword" – Ichigo gestured vaguely with Tensa Zangetsu – "so it's not as big as normal bankai. It's still a bankai, though. I'll show you."

He randomly fired a few Getsuga Tensho's around while making manly grunts and cries, and then demonstrated his speed by going up to Byakuya and poking her a few times in the chest before placing his sword at her neck. "See?"

Byakuya's eyes widened in surprise. With unusual haste, she activated her own bankai. "Bankai: Senbonzakura Kageyoshi."

Ichigo shunpo'd away from the blades rising out of the floor. "Huh? Why are you using bankai now?"

"If my opponent uses bankai, then it would make sense to use my own to defend myself." For some strange reason, she didn't meet his gaze. What Ichigo assumed was anger at him having bankai had caused her cheeks to flush as well.

_Wow, so she actually chose whether or not to use bankai based on her situation? What a strange strategy. _

_Good work, Ichigo. Now, we just need to make Byakuya use Senkei._

_Sen-what-now? _

_Senkei. It is one of the forms Senbonzakura's bankai can take. The many blades gather into swords, which then surround the area. Senbonzakura has used it in every battle we have had, and I believe that this new Senbonzakura will do the same._

_Still pretty complicated there, old man Zangetsu._

… _Pink swirly thingies become swords that make a nice little house where we can talk without any peeky-boos._

_Oh, I get it! _

_I think your father kicked you in the head one too many times…_

* * *

><p><strong>I just want to you guys to know, I nearly vomited while writing the Yamamoto release part. When my friend watched Bleach for the first time, she came to me after that episode, and spoke thusly: "I felt like I was watching old man p**n." Rewatching that part, I must agree.<strong>

**But writing the Yoruichi-Soifon scene almost brought me to tears. I love scenes like this. Spammed pause button to get every single line in Soifon's flashback straight from Episode 57. Fun.**

**BANKAI SPAM! Actually, Ichigo used to be a pretty smart fighter, studying his opponents and stuff before winning the fight. But people have picked up on his habit of BANKAI SPAM! Although, if I had bankai, I'd spam it too.**

**I have included a hella lot of quotes from episodes 54-57, so yeah. **

**Next up, the second part of Ichigo trying to get Byakuya's help! Will he succeed? Or is he just trying too hard?**

**Please review, they are what keep me going. **

**Also, please point out any glaring mistakes I make. Because truth be told, I hardly ever re-read my own stories, so just drop a review pointing out the mistake or plothole or whatever.**


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